every time I thought to myself "oh I'm gonna snap soon" I never did. It just got worse and worse and I kept waiting to snap but nothing happened. The truth was I had already snapped and because I was waiting for something dramatic to happen I never got help when I should have. I always DID end up doing something dramatic but because I was manic not because I snapped.
anyways what I'm trying to say is you need to get help by a professional before something happens not after.

I can relate to the reality check.. I used to burn myself for the same reason. It was just like that rushhhhh and I was back and things were good. I could breathe again. It will always sound amazing to me.