Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support. I am still up in the air about what to do. I have T Weds. It can be alone or w/ my H. I don't know which is the best option. I am to fearful of him to mention any of this to him w/out giving my T a heads up. I sure her intervening will be helpful.

I also feel like she gets tired of seeing us and things are good and seeing me and things are not so good. That sends very mixed messages. Either I'm blowing things out of proportion and I'm not telling the truth and like to make things look worse then they are when my H is not around or I am to much of a coward to put my foot down. That is just a hunch, I do not know that to be true of how the T thinks.

When it comes to my H and I together I feel like for the most part things go well or it's more of a damage control thing. Settle an argument. Some times we discuss the nitty gritty stuff. How he triggers me and I him.

At the moment I have no idea what is going on w/ me. I had a horrible crying all night issue becasue of frustration Weds night, he nit picked me to death for the next few days after that and on Saturday he was absolutely rude and nasty. I spent the next few hours in tears that I couldn't seem to turn off. I am so tired of things being this way. I am so exhausted w/ the water works that spring up when ever we disagree and he is hurtful w/ his choice of words. I don't know if these teary days are trying to tell me something like to leave or if the PTSD is totally out of control. I don't want the PTSD to rule the day. Regardless I have some things I need to copy, and some things I need to get straightened out.

Thinking of child support and alimony, I would like to set boundries and form agreements outside of the courts. I think we can get along well enough to do that. Maybe not. I think he will fare better if it is kept out of court and mediation is used. But if he is angry and I am fearful then there is no other choice.

The T has suggested to me, not to us yet, seperating for 3 or 4 months. And see if we can gain a different respect for each other and see if we can work this stuff out on our own a little then get back together. All while working w/ the T separately and together some to.

I just don't know what to do. I am reading a book right now To good to leave but to bad to stay. I hope it helps. Right now I'm not getting much from it. I do have a a hard time reading and understanding what I read though. I have only read 2 chapters but I can't tell you anything it has said yet. I have just no idea. I hate help being at my finger tips and I can't even read well enough to use it. Well that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

I'll check out those sites listed above when I get a moment. H doesn't like me on the computer when he is here. He's been here whole bunches. Thank yall again for your kindness and for listening.