(((NoCake)))

It sounds to me as though you are a bit hypersensitive. Feeling anxious and low self-esteem. That's how I perceived your post, anyway.

I am certainly far from being worldly, but I do have a lot of experience with suffering from low self-esteem. I have always had that problem. One of the tendencies that runs along with the low self-esteem is the bad habit of avoiding a lot of public situations..and anxiety when I am in the public. I scrutinize every aspect of myself. How I look, how I sound, what I am saying or thinking, etc... "Do I sound like a dummy?" or "Why that long pause? They must not like me. I am so stupid! I hate myself!". The criticism list quickly goes on and on. Even posting here on PC for over 3 years ~ I am hypersensitive over how people will react to my posts. Did I say the right thing/s? Should I have kept my opinions to myself? I probably bug people. I should only post a quick, reassuring response to people. All kinds of negative thoughts plague me.

And then, I get reassuring responses or posts on my page that continue to encourage me. So, I fight my negative thoughts and post anyway. Even as I type this, part of me nags me to shut up! It's very hard to know what the right thing to do is. But, from my experience, I know that I have to push myself to do things that I'm uncomfortable doing...and it slowly becomes easier.

I HOPE that I've made some sense to you. Try not to let your anxieties limit your goals and experiences. You could miss some terrific things!