All the stresses lately have made me feel really crazy. I wake and do not know where I am or when it is. This confusion continues for quite a while after I am awake. I decided to not complicate my or anyone's life by seeing other men. It's my special recipe for disaster. I know how wrong it is for me to be doing this. My T wants me hospitalized but I'm very wary of it. It helped in the past but things are different now. Hospitals don't really offer help any more;they just keep you alive. Between my family's rejection and mothers illness and unemployment and the rest of life....I feel I did snap. It's all too much to deal with. For now, I 'll see T and try to stay safe. It's easier now because I think I've caught the flu so I don't want to move out of bed. This is kind of run-on and meaningless...sorry. Thanks all for the support and care.