It is two weeks since my only child died. I wasn't in good shape with my bipolar disorder before this. I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital because I felt then that I came to the end of my road. That stay was a waste of time, no one helped me with my issues. My buddy, my son, and I have been alone together all day at home since September. We didn't always talk but we knew we were there for each other.

My husband won't stop yelling at me. I think I might be in a mixed state. I bought a golden retriever puppy over the weekend. It went back on Monday. I was thinking about going into the hospital yesterday but changed that when I found a grief counselor for today. It is 3:30 in the morning. Canceled that when I thought we should go away for a few days. Canceled that when we could not stop fighting.

I can't believe my Jason is dead. I keep waiting for him to walk through the door. When I allow myself to feel the truth I want to die.

There is no one to talk to, I only have this keyboard. I want to take all my meds.
My husband threatened to hit me yesterday if I did not leave him alone.
So I don't want to wake him up. All the people that said they were there for us have disappeared.
Suicide is becoming a strong option.