I have a choice st make. Weds my/our T has set me up for a day time appointment. My H and I do evening's together and when it is just me it easier to do day times. My T has told me anytime it is a daytime appointment and your H is near by or unable to work bring him along if you want to.

At first when I set the appointment up it was intended for just me. But after an extremely difficult week I am having a most difficult time deciding if I should go alone or if we should go together.

The reason this is difficult for me is because I feel like when my H is present things are either good between us or I make him angry and then we fight when we get home and then argue about the next weeks appointment.

I also feel like when it is just me and the T I seem to be falling apart all the time. I could see how she would believe I am making up what I am telling her, or lieing, or just have a way of seeking that kind of attention.(Which couldn't be further from the truth) That is just a hunch, she may not think that way at all. I just feel that way. My feelings are usually right but not always.

If it is me and my H I don't know what the discussion will be about, if it is me and her It will be a complaining session. I hate it when things work out like that. Then it puts her in a bad spot to have to meet w/ us both the next week and discuss what she and I talk about. It makes my H feel ganged up on.

Right now I am so torn and lost I feel like I need to see her twice a week. I don't think that is possible though. I have some serious emotional anguish going on.

My H has OCD and is really pushing my buttons. I'm not used to him being home much. But do to the temperatures and the weather he's been home bunches and it looks like he is gonna be home some more days this week. He's not doing anything wrong per say just dropping little ugly rude hints which is very counter productive. Thats not nice but should not be a deal breaker. I don't like his rude comments and his answer is "see you can't take a joke, I try to pick w/ you and you get all pissed". That's an excuse. Snorting like a pig at me when I get a snack is not helpful. Calling me Bertha instead of my name is not nice. Laughing about beached whales and earthquakes ,not funny. I am just so tires of his stuff. On top of simply not getting along, being told things harshly, being treated like a child, being told you take care of the kids there your responsibility, being told to feed your animal he's looking at me and I ain't feeding him he ain't mine, I just get so tired of him. Then dropping ugly hints all day in passing just makes things w/ him unbearable.

I don't know what good typing this can do. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. I just want to lay my head down and cry, I just want to sleep, I just want to set alone and be alone. But all those are not productive answers. So who knows what I'll do, probably clean some more. Try to make mister OCD happy.