I hope I don't repeat myself.. i know I told some of my story... I am having issues with my mom .....AGAIN I seem to go for a little while feeling okay about her.. and then it hits me...

She is a sick minded woman.... she seems to think my brothers 13 year old step daughter seduced my brother and thats why he molested her.. thats why he is in prison for molesting her. She told the first time when she was 11.. and nobody believed her so she recanted... only to tell again when she was 13.

My moms feelings about this tell me one thing..she believes that I am to blame for what my father did to me.. and thats why she was so mean to me growing up. She really treated me as if i were the other woman...which i guess in a way i was .. my father treated me as his lover....even as early as age 5.

I don't know how she can think a 5 year old deserves to be treated like some homewrecker... someone tying to steal her husband from her.. but thats how she acted.. although I didn't know it then.We have never discussed it.. she seems to think I have no memory of it...and she seems to feel there is nothing wrong with a man being "tempted" and acting on it, regardless of age.

I have decided there is nothing good that can come out of confronting her. she will only deny.. and blame me.. and I wil only have that much more to try and unravel in my mind... besides.. she is in such poor heart health that I coud never live with the guilt if a confrontation caused her to have a heart attack..

But its hard for me.. I have to limit my contact with her. .and I can't control my temper when she blames this young girl who called my brother daddy. he was the only daddy she ever knew..

I don't expect any advice or anything. I just needed to talk it out a bit is all.. thanks for being here to listen... I'm feeling pretty low right now.. and lonely..
And I guess I maybe I am having a pity-party of sorts.. I dunno.. I feel awful though...