Quote:
Originally Posted by Khym
I'm depressed again but actually it's a continuation of the same depression I always have. The maddening thing, if I can use such a phrase, is that I know there's no reason to be depressed. My life has been complicated and sad for a very long time but I can also look at it from a slightly different vantage point and see that it's not that bad. But, unless I CONSTANTLY remind, cajole and badger myself into remaining at that vantage point I deftly slip back to the place where everything is awful. It's as if I have a choice between happy and sad and chose sad unless I keep myself under strict supervision at all times.
|
Khym, thanks for this... it describes my state quite well too. I am always working to pull myself up. It makes me very wary of any good day because I know (or at least suspect) that tomorrow I will wake up feeling awful again. It is like my brain switches between up and down while I sleep, and I never know how I will wake up. Like you, there are times when I feel soooooooo unhappy about my life but really, if someone else was living it, they might well be quite happy. I know my issue is me, not my life.. and it makes me realllllllly hard to live with, I know... and I feel sorry for everyone around me who have to deal with my unpredictability, which makes me feel even worse. So yes, most days I feel like I am holding myself up by my braces
.