The relationship was not directly lost from accident it was loss due to me shutting down sorry if wording was confusing. i'm in my last year of high school. last fall i was at a gravel pit with five of my friends and two of them went on a scooter to go to are drug dealers. Jacob the oldest of the two was going to introduce Logan to him. they only had one helmet when they left but they were stooping at a close by friends to grab another. they were hit buy a half ton at a intersection before they got the other helmet. The one who was my best friend Logan died on impact because he was not thrown off but Jacob was thrown off. He died that night but he might have survived if they had got helmet. I only mentioned one friend before because i was new to this site and did not know if would continue to use it. The counseling i attended was for grief but i did not find it helpful. i have considered going back but my file has been closed and it took me months to get in the first time. I'm hoping that other people who have gone through tragedy could give me pointers on how they copped. I have recently decided to start bird watching in memory of Logan and although it is winter and i cannot start anytime soon i have found the idea comforting. Any suggestions would be much appreciated even if i cannot fix myself in time to save this relationship i realize that i'm young and being healthy is the most important thing for me now.