two of my friends dyed that night and i think i have a idea of where your coming from. I had a much different and stronger relationship with L (my best friend) then i did with J. J was more of a friend through association but for the year before the accident i seen him almost every week or multiple times a week, so i had developed a pretty strong relationship with him. I feel bad for this sometimes but i was able to move on from J's death after only a month or so, but L's still haunts me. I think its natural for different loses to affect
us differently.
Also i use to be religious but i lost my faith sometime ago, but not from accident. I often envy people with faith for having that way of copping and understanding things, but no religion seem to make sense to me anymore. It kinda makes it harder sometimes because people well say well you always have them watching over you and such, but for me i'm not sure that is a possibility and i feel like im missing out on this crutch most people have.