Sorry, I couldn't read that all. (not your fault)

I just caught enough possibly to make at least a small contribution. So uhm... OCD has probably helped destroy my past two messed up relationships. >.> OCD makes things so difficult with love and intimacy. Lets see, now... I used to sometimes obsess about what I have learned to be quite a common thing "Do I love her?". I used to get intrusive thoughts about.. things.. here's a little story of what happened to me one day, that probaby made chickadee #1 see me in a whole new way.. :\

I was out at the pub with said female, and we were having an OK time, but some people were there that were difficult to be around for various ridiculous reasons, and anyway, I ended up gradually growing quite a severe panic attack (got severe anxiety issues, too, not surprisingly), and I had to go home. She of course came with me, and when we got back, we just laid on my bed. For some reason the OCD seriously kicked in, and I led on my hands, refusing to touch her and couldn't even look her, for fear that I would somehow hurt her, and I guess maybe I thought she would see my thoughts if she looked me in the eyes? IDK. Anyway, it took quite a while to calm down and to subside the fears.. my eyes were even leaking a bit.. which totally is NOT me, I hate doing that ****, with an absolute passion. Anywho, there's no moral to this story, but you aren't alone, mmkay? Trust me, love, this is more common than you think. It's just depressing that there's so many people with these sort of problems. I only just found out how bad it is out there, a few weeks back, and it's still hard to accept... I went my whole life thinking I was almost the only one like this. 'o.O It's a scary thing, for sure.

*hugs you* (if that's OK, virtually xD)