Healed and LC - I first believe there is a difference in being contented in the life you have (not envious of others, not unhappy with status, accepting yourself and others, not being pushed around or abused, making choices that are for yourself and not for others (I do not mean choosing to gamble because you find it fun versus feeding the children - but choosing to let yourself count and get help and be happy sorts of things) etc) with my situation is not what I want but changing it is too X (scary, I don't deserve it, I don't count, I have to sacrifice for others etc) - I believe the first is attainable but not the second. The latter is, to me, like trying to fit the square peg in the round hole by pounding it in and saying it fits once the peg is wedged in. I don't think the second works and is how people wake up in the 50s or 60s with a large number of regrets and unhappiness.