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Whether or not people with BPD have empathy is a controversial issue, and you can find studies (for example here and here) that say that, "A dysfunctional pattern of empathic capacity may account for behavioral difficulties in BPD," and "The findings thus support a conceptualization of BPD as involving deficits in both inferring others' mental states [being able to put themselves in another's person's shoes] and being emotionally attuned to another person."
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2. You haven't seen her in years.
I'm not sure why you think what you're experiencing is so terrible. I don't! I do believe that most of us to varying degrees lack empathy. I recently had a friend commit suicide back in July. It's too bad, I realize he's gone, seems weird that he's not here, but I don't feel much else. I don't really see this as a bad thing. I'd rather have a lack of empathy over a lack of remorse.