so at church this past sunday the pastor said something that kind of upset me. he said something about how self-esteem was a crock and that we could only get true self-worth from god. then he said something about how we really aren't worthy, and then he said something about how we can only be "worthy" through god.

none of it really made sense to me. i kind of shut down when he started talking about self-esteem. he said it was "a lie believed to be true" or something.

ugh, christianity is so confusing. i don't know how god is supposed to make us feel better when he created us to be so inferior and worthless.

half the time i can't decide if i believe it or not.

but the main point is, the whole time i've considered being christian i get pummeled with the idea that i'm worthless and i have nothing to be proud of because if i don't believe in god or whatever then i have nothing to live for.

i have no idea if any of that made sense...but christianity doesn't make sense to me right now either. check back in a few days, i may have figured it out by then. but right now, it's so confusing. i don't know if i want to go back to church anymore.