Well, I'm in a funk.

I don't think I'm more depressed than I have been. I've had sort of a low-grade depression streak for several months now, ever since pdoc put me on Welbutrin SR 100 mg twice per day and nothing else.

Now I'm back to thinking this must be all there is to life after all, why bother to try to make my situation better, I'll never be successful, I'll never have enough money to be comfortable, I'll never have my act together, my house will always look like I'm ready to be on an episode of "Hoarders," my weight will always be way too high.

Seriously.

Yesterday I was telling my son that I've decided that this really is all there is to life, so why bother. He didn't have a response. He's probably tired of the rollercoaster of living with me for all these years.

Last night I looked through some old emails and realized it has been 8 years since I started working on a business plan for one aspect of my business.

8 years.

If I was going to do it, wouldn't I have done it by now?

I've bought courses, teleseminars, webinars, CDs, DVDs, ebooks, and I've flown to several workshops and seminars to learn more about my business, how to market it, how to stay in a positive mindset, how to get things done, etc. I've spent THOUSANDS of dollars on this stuff, with just $10,000 in the last 3 years.

Was I manic during the times I spent all that money and traveled? Maybe. But I've always known since I was a kid that working a regular job wasn't for me.

So now I'm mad at myself because I haven't implemented what I know. I will implement part of the way, and then sabotage myself or something legit gets in the way.