I agree with what the members are telling you, if you are feeling like this, and your pdoc is being an ***, please seek professional attention from another pdoc or call the hotline.
I hope this experience with this pdoc, will never turn you off towards future help. This was most unfortunate you had come across a pdoc with such a poor attitude.
I'm glad you took time to come and talk with the members here.
I don't know if this matters, but I have been a very similar place. I sought help, and have continued with seeing a pdoc and taking the meds. that work for me, it took awhile working with the pdoc and different meds.
Please, try to be patient, I feel confident things can work out.
Again, if these feelings are there to suicide, PLEASE SEEK IMMEDIATE help.
Take care now,
DE