Well, first of all, what you have to say is important, and you're definitely not wasting anyone's time talking about your difficulty.
We've all had problems with depression; that's why we're here, in part.

I suspect strongly that when people have frightening nightmares, it has something to do with the diet and high acidity levels in the tissues and fluids.

Have you ever tried taking the Omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil, often referred to)?It can be purchased in Omega 3 fatty acids by Nordic (and many other companies), and taking it twice daily for several weeks can improve sleeping very much--it did for me, and I wouldn't be without it. The lemony taste is not at all objectionable
and it's calming, much like the little lemon squeezed into a glass of water.

Secondly, you need to continue to discuss this with people on board here who know what those feelings are, and you also need to contact your primary physician and ask that he refer you to a psychiatrist for some talk together to get whatever is at the core of your depression up and out so that you are free inside.

I think that much of the problems with the kind of thing you are trying to manage have to do with diet in the first place and old habits of thinking, secondly. Both are amenable to change for better feeling tone.

Please begin by removing anything from your diet that you crave such as alcohol, caffeine, sugar, white bread for starters. All can be triggers for depression in people who are sensitive to them. (I was advised not to use 4 of the 5 of them--white breads I've had to learn to avoid to stop the headaches ("cerebral allergy") low feeling tone, and even depression.

It takes about one week to get them out of your system--caffeine and alcohol much longer if you use them, but very well worth your time to work on eliminating them.

Keep in touch and let the folks here know how you are progressing, and for goodness sake, forget the suicide thing. You are cared for more than you know by someone in your life whom you've probably overlooked for so long.

Remember , we are all much more alike than we are different.