If you haven't seen her in years and you don't know whether you were ever close, I wouldn't feel guilty, and I think we all go through the "guilty for feeling guilty' but if you think about it, isn't that silly, not that we can always control it.

I do think some of it is a visual thing. My daughter told me she was going to donate plasma. She's strapped for money and is trying to do what she can to bring in a little extra, and it bothered me a little but I was able to shake it off. She sent me a picture of herself at the donation center, however, with the needle in her arm and that picture really got to me. You may feel different if you actually see your mother-in-law.

Also, don't forget that we are influenced by others. If you were still with your wife, her feelings would probably transfer to you at least some. And there's your kids. If they start feeling bad about Grandma passing, you'll probably start feeling it too. My mom is in her 80's and if she passed now I wouldn't feel very much. I haven't seen her in a year and after everything that's happened, my feelings would be really muted if nothing else. But if I see her or if my siblings get hold on me, the situation will be completely different. I will feel more than I am now and they'll make sure I feel guilty for staying away among other things. It's something I'm dreading will happen. It's absolutely hateful that we're so influenced by others at times, but at least we're aware of it. Hopefully we can use that knowledge to combat it a little.