Hi Welcome to the site. First... don't feel bad about sharing your problems here. It's what the site is all about basically. People who have had depression are the only people who really understand it so you're in the right place.
I'm sure someone has already suggested that you seek treatment for this. Please do.
You shouldn't have to live your life like that. I hope you have access to treatment. If you have a family doctor that may be a good place to start. Please keep posting in the meantime.