tnlibrarian complained that H was saying that if she does not harass and abuse him and have rages against him, then she is not bp and needs to suck it up. That does not portray him as a bad person but rather a very uninformed one - he must have read, very briefly, a little blurb about the disease, the rages and mistreatment of spouses caught his eye, he disregarded the other 99%, and reacted to what he thought was relevant. In turn, she did not like that. But it was not his abusing her or mistreating her or anything like that. Just, suboptimal response to the illness in the spouse.

Randy - yes, we will see. But then everyone can be said to have issues...

The was a thread on relationships and communications here. A guy is married and the wife had what is called "an emotional affair" and ended it. I do not know what an emotional affair is, but whatever, she ended it. She is the guy's best friend. She talks to him about their vacation together. She does not turn his children against him. She does not abuse him or anything. She does not gamble his money. She just is unsure that she is actively in love with him and when she is sick and he gives her crackers and ginger ale, she does not show visible, positive signs of appreciation. And that is the extent of it. And she goes into therapy with him, and does not raise the issue of divorce at all. Just an emotional affair in the past and lack of visible appreciation of his efforts in the present. No other bad deeds on her part. He is seriously sad. Well, in that case, his underlying biological depression, which preceded the emotional affair, in other words, which started under the circumstances that were EVEN BETTER than the current circumstances, affects how he reacts to the stressors which I would call minor. And when it is being pointed out to him - look, in the best case scenario, the marriage survives, in the worst case scenario, it does not, but you would split up amicably without animosity as civilized people and co-parent happily for the rest of your lives, what is so bad about it?? - he agrees, that yes, his situation is not so bad compared to what it could have been. But he has something underlying or else he would have been more upbeat. He needs something, I am not sure what, or a combination of things, may be CBT to reframe catastrophic thinking and mindfulness to learn to appreciate the moment at least a bit. A lot of guys would be ecstatic to have a wife who plans vacations together with them.