My head is so full of thoughts and feelings that I dont share. For example I am going to school and I am doing the work cause I have an Excel, Word and Text and Formatting class so hard not to do the work. Then I have Medical Terminology, which is not all that interesting but is a big part of what my major is. I dont care to do the exercises, extra learning modules or the reviews. Yet some where inside, I want to do really well in this class and make a better grade than what I did in Medical Terminology I in 2010. Yet the part that WANTS, to do well is not in control in the class nor when it comes to studying. Maybe its me or someone that is acting like me. lol. I feel I dont share these same attitudes, nor the feelings. As I write this, I am putting off my kids...as if I dont want to be engaged with them. I am not sure who is in control.
Then when it comes to therapy, its like I dont want to be engaged in that either, yet, I know that I NEED it. Its the process of connecting with someone sucks! I want to learn more about my system and how it works and all, but also feel there is really no need to understand it all. I try to talk to the system, but I get responses that I dont know where they are coming from, so I ask. Only to find out that they or the System is unsure.
Just a bunch of babble that comes and yet I remember what my ex-therapist said To listen inside and try to hear what is being said. And I feel like such a failure because I dont or cant distinguish who is who in this confusing world that we live in. Decison-Making is getting difficult.
Not sure how I feel, or what I think. Just Confused!!!