...and then have to face the consequences which I can not live with.

I got pets and then abandoned them because couldn't take care of them. Had a baby just so I have a reason not to go to school. Married the first guy I met just after two weeks of knowing each other though I never even liked him. Bought a flat which got me into 10 yrs of debts and then left everything and fled to another country. Met some guy which I'm actually disgusted with and left my husband for him. Now I'm stuck here alone on the streets in the foreign country without anyone or anything. Everyone I ever knew hates me. I'm hiding from people under the bridge, cut my arm, it's freaking cold, I've got no money and my laptop battery runs out. Which means I'll have to crawl back to that guy I hate just because he's the only person I know in the radius of thousands miles.
I can't even cry because it's not me experiencing all of this. I can't comprehend how in the world can it be my life. I just wanted to be happy but now I don't. I don't wanna be at all. All I feel is emptiness and it burns like I'm filled with hot iron. Why won't anyone just put me down like a sick animal which I am? I hate everyone and myself for letting me go on while they just stand there and watch. It's just not humane.