For the first time in over a month. We haven't talked since before Christmas and the huge explosive fight between me and his wife.

The conversation went okay. I asked him why he hadn't cashed the rent yet, but I guess he just did that today. Then I told him we're looking for a new place to live. He kept saying we don't have to leave, that apartments are expensive, and that if we leave he will sell the house. But if we stay until he dies it will be my house. He told me he isn't going to deal with my mother in law any more, that she's our problem.

But she is our problem, also. As long as we have a place where she can live she won't get out.

Staying in the house means continuing to deal with my dad and his wife who are toxic to all of us.

My dad was crying the whole time, trying to hide it but I could hear it. He told me to go over to get the gifts they had for the boys for Christmas, but I don't want those gifts. I don't want to ever go into that house again.

It would be easier to stay but if I stay it will be more hell.

Why couldn't I just have a dad who cares about me instead of money, and a dad who just cares about me and not his image? Why couldn't I have a dad who is happy to have a daughter instead of the piece of trash he likes to tell everyone that I am? Why can't I have a dad who takes my side? Why can't I have a dad who doesn't treat my husband like he has the plague, just because of financial reasons? Why can't I have a dad who doesn't lie and will actually be there for me for real? Why can't I have a dad who doesn't use guilt to make me do wants?

Why did my mom die and leave me here with him when she was the one who loved me and wanted me?