I have made some progress. No, I have not taught the guy how to give me manual orgasms. I have not even started! And I have no motivation. I just want him to just know, instinctively, as ex husbands did, especially ex H 2. Which is very unfair to him, to say the least. But at any rate, I was able to reach orgasm myself, while he held me firmly in his arms. Not from the first attempt - from the third attempt. But still, I was able to do it. A good orgasm. So I feel a little better now.

And the night before, I could not do it, neither from his attempts nor from mine, and he told me "It is OK, it is not an exam for which you must get an A." Which, I thought, was a very appropriate analogy.

So I think I will take it very-very easy now to decrease the level of anxiety, do not try to come from his hands at all, and just focus on masturbating while in his arms to reach some steady state of consistent orgasms in that position. Something is better than nothing. In fact, who cares how these orgasms are reached? Whatever works...

Does anyone do it on a regular basis - masturbating inside partner sex? If so, how - with the partner watching or holding you firmly?