The pain isn't constant, it just seems that way. Everything passes...but makes a comeback. That is probably the most insideous thing about BPD...and the thing that makes it hardest to deal with. When we feel good we feel as though we've made great strives towards getting better, that we can beat this thing, and that we won't fall in to the pit of despair again. And then the next day...possibly only and hour or two after that euphoria, when sadness, the anxiety, the depression, the pain returns, we forget that we were happy or at least not hurting just a short time earlier and the pain is so intense that we are willing to do almost anything to end it..... It'a a never ending cycle and I have no solution for you, but I do understand. I do "get it". I'm there with you.