seeker
Interesting what you said about how much work it is to get out & do something......I can soooooo relate to that but I would always give myself that extra kick in the rear (still do) to get myself out of the door when I have to go somewhere......shoot, I remember one time I was having so much trouble getting out the door to get on vacation that we missed the plane.

It was hard for me to wrap up work to go on vacation & it was hard for me to wrap up the house & have it ready to go on vacation (we always went on our ski vacation to Jackson Hole Wyo right after Christmas from the time my daughter was 5 years old......& I wanted the house clean so I wouldn't have to come back to a mess & have to clean it up before going back to work.

Oh yes, that long loveless marriage....I can relate to but for a bit different reason.....I told my mother before the wedding that I didn't want to marry him because of the issues that I saw.....she said he would grow up....he never did & got worse by the time I was able to leave him 5 years ago after 33 years of tolerating & hiding in my career.....have had a few other amazing realizations over these 5 years regarding how I was after loosing my career & no longer having a place to escape from the marriage.....but that's another novel.

For some reason, I was able to do that final kick in the rear to get myself out & doing what was planned to do, but it was a horrible process getting there.....there are times even now when I'm trying to get myself out the door & get to some place on-time (which NEVER HAPPENS)......I hear the same old tape playing in my head.....why don't you just stay home..this is too much trouble to go through for this. I usually have an arm full of things I'm taking where ever I go & getting the dogs into the truck is like having kids......& sometimes I'm so glad when whatever it was I was going to gets cancelled & find myself breathing a sigh of relief.....even for things I really want to go to....like last week when we were having icy rain.....I was so glad that Bible study was cancelled because I was really tired & didn't want to go even if it had been good weather....but bad weather makes me want to stay home even more.

I absolutely loved my DBT group I went to every monday morning for 2 years....but trying to get out of the house to get there by 9:30am was impossible & I was late almost every week also....when driving there late it was that same old tape....why are you doing this to yourself....it would be so much easier to JUST STAY HOME.

I do find when I get too many activities going in my life that I sometimes STOP doing everything for awhile just to get myself grounded & the desire back to be doing things again (which doesn't take more than a few weeks). I do like staying at home & doing nothing at times more than just this stupid computer.....& working on my art work or beading....but I can never find enough time to just sit & get art done that isn't for someone's specific gift & think what I could do if I just had time to spend on the painting or beading....I might actually be able to sell something & make some money on it rather than just NOT spending money on gifts...lol.

UGH....another one of my novels....I love your posts....nice to see you posting a bit more......