Thanks wisewoman. It haunts me, still! You are correct I could see the emotional release in her eyes each time she hit me. Like she was purging some inner demon.I dunno!! The closest apology I ever got was when she told me a few years before she died..that she had nightmares about how she treated me. No actual.."I am sorry" That's all she needed to say. "I am sorry" But I never got that. Now I stuggle to forgive her as I believe when we hold in such memories it begins to eat away at us. I personaly am struggling to just leave it to my higher power as I feel like my soul has been branded. Take good care all! dottie