Have things improved in your life outside of therapy in the last few years as a result of the therapy? Is life better for you without therapy and without the hope of things improving because of the therapy? If life truly was more manageable and better for me without therapy, then I'd be looking to change something about the therapy and the way I was doing it, or the type of therapy I was doing, even if I wasn't going to stop altogether. It is a really painful process. I know I find it to be. I believe that the desire to have life improve is enough to keep things moving forwards. If you want it, it is possible. It's not straightforward, or easy, and there's defiantly no one correct path to take. You probably are aware of all of that. Don't give up hope of things being better, or easier, or at least more manageable. I'm sorry it got the the point of you having to resort to something you didn't want to do, in order to cope.