So recently I posted about not knowing what to do. And how I was trying to find a facility that was inpatient that would take my insurance.
Now! I have found one... I have been speaking with them for the last 3 weeks or so. I have been accepted into the program. They are holding a bed for me. I head down to Arizona on the 22nd of February. And will arrive at the facility on the 24th (I'm driving)... Now... I'm petrified... It's all so real... My family is all involved now. And it's just so real. No more denying it. It's apparent that I've been sick for 9 years now. And I guess it's really time to dig deep inside me and fix it. I'm ready for that. Just ever so scared. I have been wondering though, what a life without ED feels like... I never thought it would be possible. But maybe it is?
One of the many things I'm afraid for? I can't come home after treatment. I need to stay healthy. And give myself a real fighting chance. So when I spoke to the intake director in Arizona, he told me that they could get me into another facility in Santa Monica after I "graduate" from the main program... I am scared that this all is too good to be true. My sister says to "just have faith baby girl". But that's easier said than done. I'm used to being in full control of everything. Knowing what's going to happen every minute of the day. And even if I don't have plans, I'm always ready to map it out. And this! Is just absurd! To put my faith up in the air like that. I mean, it's like how I don't understand how people have their blind faith when it comes to religion. I respect everyone's religions. I respect them deeply. I just personally have never had an experience that ever made me want to put my faith in anyone else but myself...
Sorry I rambled so much. Just a bit terrified at the moment. Not thinking rationally I don't think:-(
*hugs* to you all though!!!

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