...to begin with....I'm still very sensitive to your situation and have exactly nothing to compare it to right now..I've lost people too like your Jason...but not a son....

just shaking my head and rubbing my eyes here because it's so difficult to express with a keyboard.

okay!

anti depressants are full throttle medications...they are designed to counteract the natural and very powerful impulse of the brain to descend into even more powerful grief!

to counteract depression!....now thats a big ask...and the true impact is quite incredible....

and the effects differ significantly depending on the 'mind'..

the bipolar mind is imbalanced and brilliant and yet?... very vulnerable perhaps moreso to the introduction of powerful chemicals.

I am medically allergic to all of them I have been on most of them...they send me into some kind of psychotic orbit that I cannot grasp.

...there was no cycling...it was permanent warped and frightening mania on a continuous cycle and resulted in hospitalisation too many times.

I drank heavily too counteract the effects...because it was something I understood...but I don't recommend that.

I cannot quite describe with words the effects of antidepressants on my bipolar mind...just that I had to stop them or I would lose it (my mind)...
completely.

not everyone is this way
I wish I never took any....cos I now have memories that make no sense and my feelings are all over the place