Sounds to me like she has more problems than you do; no one can take away someone else's identity. My husband's ex-wife got all upset at him because he didn't make her happy! Not his job.

I would not call or see her, would get myself a counselor and sort out my own issues (both with her asking you to leave and what your "job" is to yourself). I don't know that you have bad anger issues; unless they're constant or inappropriate, feeling and expressing anger isn't any better or worse than feeling and expressing any other emotion. It's okay to be angry with her for disappointing you, not holding up her "end" of the relationship, not "being" herself and trying to blame you for that. Everyone has to stand on their own two feet, no one gets carried! She can't just be "nothing" and have you carry the whole marriage and relationship load.