I was physically and emotionally abused by my stepmother but believe a lot of who I am and how I have developed has to do with my own attitude and growth toward compassion and better understanding of my stepmother and her life. Yes, I agree some people are bullies, wisewoman, but I don't think anyone is just one label someone else applies to them. They have/had their own trials and tribulations, physical and mental problems, which we can't ever know fully which contributed to who they are or were just as we have ours. Some of us were abused and some of us weren't and some of us abuse and some don't but that's only one area of very complicated/complex dynamics. I don't want to ever belittle or forget my abuse but I don't want to make it the center of my life either. I was abused: that's both in the past and not related to who I "am" as an adult. It's a series of actions, very very painful, scaring actions but not part of my core. I have physical scars from stitches, burns, operations, diseases. I have emotional scars from my mother's death, my stepmother's abuse, friends' duplicity and death, etc. I don't believe anyone, other than a literal psychopath, wakes up in the morning and thinks, "Gee, I wonder how I can make my sweet child's life hell today."