I have an appointment with T today, and for the first time in a really long time, I simply don't want to go. For the first time ever, I'm actually seriously considering canceling. The problem is, I NEED to go. I need to talk to T, because I'm really struggling right now. I think if I didn't show up, it would seriously concern T, since I called her last week asking for support. I've never just not shown up for an appointment.

I had a really unsettling dream early this morning, and while I know it was a dream, I woke up in a panic, and it's stuck with me. It's happened before, and when it does, it usually means I've got things I really need to talk about. I don't want to talk about this with T, though. I don't want her to see just how pathetic and worthless I'm feeling right now. I want to lash out, like I did in my dream, and scream and yell at the people that have hurt me, and the anger, hurt, and panic from my dream are not being easily dismissed. I'm afraid this session is going to be particularly emotional, since I'm feeling things so strongly right now. I hate being emotional, even with T. I hate being vulnerable, and I feel very vulnerable right now. I know T will respect that, but it's still frightening for me.

Can I get a little support in actually making it to T today? Maybe some pocket riders? Appt is at 1 pm Central.