Hi Big Mama. I'm sorry you are is such confusion over this. I can appreciate your situation.

I can see your not knowing why you stay, but you are answering yout own questions pretty well.

At our core, all of us, we have a very strong sense of who we are, what is right and wrong in an overall sense-our values. We all can lose sight of these when we are feeling hurt and confused but they are still there.

These core values not only help us to make the tough decisions, they also work in the background giving us the strength to go on another day, even in our desperation.

You are a woman who:
1. has experiences that allow you to feel a strong empathy toward those, more than just H, and an undestanding of the fact that behaviors can come from the unconscious places and cannot be helped.

2. one of your core values is your dedication to family. You may or may not try to OVERCOME this very real inner truth that has been keeping you here. I do not see it as a negative as though this value is trapping you, at least not yet. I have a similar value system and I chose to see it as a strength.

3. You have 18 years in this marriage.

4 You are seeing major improvements with him. Some of your feelings in this are long held as is a fear that this cycle will continue. You can't just jump ahead to a belief and a trust that H will continue to improve.


Big Mama. I don't think you are in a position to make such a big leap just now. Please try to do some things that are all about you. Care for yourself.

Putting more time and effort in here may seem pointless, but because of the person you are I don't think you will be ready to make a decsion to leave anytime soon.

Please take care...PM me anytime.