Thank you both for your words. I'm really sure this was the best that could have happened.

Shez:

You know, it's not exactly like that, but at the same time, it is. It's just that in the last ten years, six guys have told me they wanted to marry me. Half of them weren't even my boyfriends and were just waiting for me to give them a chance. That's disturbing! I'm not sure I want to get married. At least not for the next few years, because I still have too many things to do on my own and with my familym things we can't do right now because of money or time issues. I don't have a job and it's bothering me, I need to be on my own for a while, before I get married, just to feel what it's like to be completely independent.

I want to be alone, but I can't stop thinking about my ex, it's like I'm really obsessed. So, I force myself to think about this other guy, just to pay attention to anything else, which I can't do with a job, because it's also frustrating not to find one.

I've dated too many losers, guys who are not what they seem and who are very different from me. As I said before, I never really believed that some people are too good for others, but now I have to believe that it's true. I've always been a good girlfriend, supportive, sweet, funny, comprehensive, and they say I'm very pretty, some of them say I'm truly perfect, but in the end, I always get bored or scared or disappointed. I know I chose that kind of guys and I have to work on that. But still, I can't help wondering if there is a guy who is the right for me.

When I met my ex boyfriend, I wasn't even looking for love or a relationship. I tried really hard not to fall in love with him, but there was nothing I could do. I knew from the beginning we were going nowhere. He always said he would never get married and that was just what I was looking for, because I'm really tired of having to say "no" when they propose to me. But, after a few weeks of dating, he had to talk about marriage... After about ten minutes of talking about it, I felt so overwhelmed, I just wanted to be ttalking about football or music instead, and I just wanted to go home. I always knew he was not the right for me. And that's what's bothering me the most: why the hell am I so sad he got married, when I didn't want to marry him in the first place? Why do they always have to talk about marriage and children, when I'm not ready?

There's too many things I have to figure out before starting a new relationship, but this guy... he's like a new hope, but for the future, because he won't be back in a while. And that's also what makes him perfect: he won't be back in a while, he also seems unwilling to get married soon and he is like that imaginary love that always gives us some kind of hope. But I'm sure that, if there was a guy here, I wouldn't want to go out with him, because I still have too many mixed feelings about my ex boyfriend and I want to start clean, free from anger, regret, sadness and even love, to give the new guy all the best of me.

So, the problem is that I can't seem to find the one for me and I'm wondering if I ever will...

Thank you again, and I'll take your advice and try to focus much more on getting to know myself a bit futher.