Hi, I hope you guys can help clear my mind and help me decide and feel right about my decision, so any opinions are welcome.
Here goes.... I am a 40 yo father of two (7 & 12). My marriage/ relationship ended 4 yrs ago after 19 years, yes married young. I am a farm manager. My ex wife and I now live at least 3.5 hours apart and the children are with her mostly.
I had to move away back to our home district to find employment as there was none in the area where she choose to stay.Trying to maintain reasonable frequent contact is financially crippling and puts enormous constraints on where I can work.
My life feels on hold until my children grow up, My ex is controlling and manipulative and uses the children to attempt to still control me.
Through very unfortunate circumstances my last position ended and I am now between jobs, I have just secured a new position, trying a career change. This change however will further constrain my ability to seen my children and I am not looking forward to it at all, which I should be really. I am forced at present due to financial situation to live with my mother, and miss my independence and this new position will not provide enough income for those circumstances to change hence my lack of enthusiasm I suppose. I have always aspired to be 100% father and this was the largest pain in my wife ending our marriage. She really seems to hate and resent me and am sure her aim has been all along to push me out of the children's lives. I am torn because she may succeed, not fully, but partly. At this point in my life I am very dissatisfied and frustrated with my life, I have worked hard and forgotten to enjoy what life did have to offer, I need to start. I have know a woman since September last year, I am certain she is the one for me, my soul mate. I have never felt so right and in love with someone. But and the big but is, its a long distance relationship at present. I so want to move to be with her, it is all I dream of, I have employment options where she is, would have a life of love and fulfillment of which my marriage never provided. The catch being that I would have to see my children less, but it would be quality time not the stressed out, expensive travelling of 800 km every third weekend for a under two days together. Most people say to me, stop doing everything for everyone else my family support my move, but I have this overwhelming guilt that I am abandoning my kids... god it's hard. let me know what you think guys it will be most valuable to me good or bad....
Cheers in advance