Got back from my T session. It was ok.

We talked briefly about how a lot of my health issues - especially the migraine/neck issues - stem from my own doing (posture, wanting to hide, fear)...and how I've resisted working on those issues.

I told T that I want to be willing but I find it incredibly difficult. I don't know how to work on that stuff. He reminded me that the one time we delved into it, it was enlightening and then I ran for the hills....

I told him I would try to be more mindful of that and to work on staying with the discomfort....I asked him how we would move forward on that. He said that he wants to wait until the botox treatment kicks in because doing that work tends to create more tension, and he doesn't want me to be in even more pain.

He also noted that it must be overwhelming for me to resist it so much when it could possibly lead to healing and relief from the migraines. Good point.

I told him that I know from past conversations with him that I need to have some stability in life and support IRL in order to handle what comes with that kind of work. He agreed - and we both agreed that I'm not quite there yet.

So, in a standstill, I guess.