I can barely comprehend " wanting someone to make me mad". I have only ever been able to express anger to the very few people i am really close to. This is unfortunate because they get the full accumulation of all that's built up inside me, meant for others as well as them. Luckily i have learned not to blow up at my wife and children. I have learned that i can tell them i am angry and we can talk about why. Sometimes, though, this leads to me feeling guilty and being tough on myself. Then i am apologetic and the original issue is unresolved.
I wish i could believe that it could be okay to be angry, and even tell a stranger or a coworker what i really thought, instead of cowering away and being that super agreeable, non confrontational doormat i end up being, leaving me enraged at myself.
I hope to more good things in this thread.
Thanks to all. Stay strong.