I see by your past posts that you became a firefighter during your teen age years. first may I say that joining the fire fighters in your location is an amazing thing to do. here in NY we have a junior fire fighting program too where teen agers as young as 12 and 13 yr olds can join, learn about being a firefighter, partake in drills, control fire rescues, and on occasion those that are ready can go out on calls supervised by an adult firefighter at their side to make sure the teen isnt in a dangerious situation but can experience helping to rescue/use their training first hand. this allows the teens to fully understand the job and what it takes mentally and physically to be a volunteer firefighter.

one of my siblings was court mandated to partake in our junior fire fighters program because he liked to set fires. he learned so much and he did for a time have PTSD issues over what he experienced as part of being a firefighter where he had to rescue people and fight fires. it took some time but his flashbacks, anxiety, nightmares....did eventually go away. he had to take a break from the job but recently as an adult he went back and is not able to handle what it takes to be a firefighter.

We have had some teens come in to the crisis center who were junior firefighters that had the same problems that you now have. it does take time to work through everything. Some have decided despite the fall out they have at the moment from their job as firefighters, they will continue being fire fighters and others wont.

you may have to decide whether being a firefighter is right for you and your mental health. it may be that this job isnt the right one for you since you are having such a hard time adjusting to what you go through in this type of job,

my suggestion take some time off and enter therapy so you have a mental health professional helping you work though this, and then after things settle down for you, decide whether its worth being a firefighter for you or not.