First of all, even though I am severely ill right now I have to reply to this, thank you so much for your service. You are a hero. And I know that now-a-days it is hard to find people who care or even acknowledge it, but I promise there are people out there who do. I can't imagine the difficult environment you work in, but as someone who is studying to become a police officer, I thank you with all my heart for all you do and want you to know it doesn't go unnotice

As for the issues you are going through now, you received some good advice already. Could be PTSD, which wouldn't be uncommon. Just know that there is only so much you can do, and try, instead of thinking about those you can't save, about those you can and what a difference you make in their lives. I salute you my friend, take care.