MUE- I'm such a person of few words. I try so hard to say what I'm thinking by my words never seem to capture what I feel. I know I need to talk more and share what's in my head, but it's so difficult to do with anyone for me.

Growing up I was the 4th of 7 children. Everyone around me demanded attention and they didn't care if it was negative or not. Usually it was negative and I learned to keep myself quiet and invisible so I didn't get the punishment my brothers and sisters got. I'd sit all balled up in a chair, sucking my thumb (until I was ridiculously old), twirling my hair and rocking for comfort. When things started flying, I'd hide under tables. I conditioned myself to self protect by being invisible- and now the very thing that protected me as a kid makes me feel like I'm dying. I don;t know how to fix that.