Quote:
Originally Posted by karebear1
MUE- I'm such a person of few words. I try so hard to say what I'm thinking by my words never seem to capture what I feel. I know I need to talk more and share what's in my head, but it's so difficult to do with anyone for me.
Growing up I was the 4th of 7 children. Everyone around me demanded attention and they didn't care if it was negative or not. Usually it was negative and I learned to keep myself quiet and invisible so I didn't get the punishment my brothers and sisters got. I'd sit all balled up in a chair, sucking my thumb (until I was ridiculously old), twirling my hair and rocking for comfort. When things started flying, I'd hide under tables. I conditioned myself to self protect by being invisible- and now the very thing that protected me as a kid makes me feel like I'm dying. I don;t know how to fix that.
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That's great awareness! Working through that awareness is the next step, and I totally get not knowing how to do it. It's tough to challenge our ingrained responses, to know that we don't have to replicate the resources we relied on in childhood. Taking risks to do things differently is HARD but can be very rewarding. I hope we both get to where we need to be....but at least we are here for each other along the way, right?
