Your story sounds so familar, I have suffered from depression since my twentys, I am now almost sixty. Five years ago I was committed to a psych ward for two weeks. Just had my second major episode. I when out looking for people to talk to that would not think i was (I hate using words like this) crazy. Found a new church that I really like. Made an appointment with the pastor for today, I got more out of the two hours I spent with the pastor than you can emagin. I know what I told him will not leave his office. He also offer a lot of advice of a spiritzule nature on battling the negative thought ect. In my early thirties I tried to talk to my dad about being depressed and seeing a doc. My father belittle me so bad I felt about 1 inch tall and really feeling bad, I never talked to my father about it again. If you can not see a therapst then a pastor, minister, priest, or what ever your belief may be your best bet as what you tell them is confidental. It may just open more doors for you, to get help. You have taken the right first step by getting here. Don't quit looking for or taking help where you find it. I wish for you nothing but happiness in your life.