Tomorrow I go to the neurosurgeon. I'm getting anxious. Mainly, I just hope he'll explain more to me. Mainly, I want to be more educated about what could happen with this condition . . . what activity is dangerous . . . what is not.

Also, I'm getting concerned that telling him that I have a lot of anxiety about my spine might result in him labeling me as neurotic and taking me less seriously.

Plus, I'm concerned about getting labeled as med-seeking. Nobody has suggested that. I've had my trust eroded over the past two years . . . since I went seeking psych treatment. I think doctors treat me different because I have a psych diagnosis.

Where I get my care uses electronic charting. The problem is that the docs have a hard time finding things like radiology reports. I'll bet the neurosurgeon won't even be able to bring up all the spinal imaging that has been done. I think I have a hard copy of the MRI report in my bag.

Mainly, I'm torn about how to report my symptoms. A lot of the time, I have twinges and pulling sensations that I would not strictly call pain. But if I say that, then my problem might get discounted. Also, I think this numbness in my left hand is significant, despite my PCP seeming very uninterested in it. I hope the neurologist, at least, shows some interest.

This morning I took a Vicodin. I was amazed at how much more comfortable I felt for many hours afterwards. I avoid all kinds of household chores that set off pain in my neck. I would like some doctor to seem to understand what this is doing to my quality of life.