haha. Love that too Karebear. I'm going to try being really open without placing all the blame on her. It's hard because I've admitted that I see why she reacted like that to me, where I wen't wrong myself...but that I was still always doing my best. I think it's just become a tangled mess. I know she is trying too. She seems so frustrated because she is trying. She thinks she's shown caring towards me for years and that I always reject it, but it's not that at all. I just can't hold onto it forever and when mistakes happen...I do doubt that she cares. I mean, what was I supposed to think when she confirmed that I was just a number. She's since said she doesn't think that at all...but ouch. Some things stick.

She really heard last week that I just need her to listen to me and give me a chance to talk about things before she gets so defensive. She said she'd thought about it during the week and she seemed to understand and agree with me. This has happened a number of times now, then I return with hope...and she's so harsh again that it sets everything off and she reacts to my strong panic....it all so messy.