During a session with my T last month, certain things came up about my appearance and what others were saying and now things have come to light since then. I've since realized that I've had disordered eating for the past twenty years or so. Mainly restricting, but purging too. I've always been able to get it back under control, but in the last couple of months, it's gotten worse. Now, because of my weight loss, I believe it's becoming more obvious to others there may be something going on, although no says anything directly to me. I've now fallen into the unhealthy weight range, counting calories (something that I've never done before) and purging more and more lately along with the restricting. I am eating something for dinner and eating snacks when my family is around. My T talked me into getting a health checkup to make sure I'm okay- those labs all turned out fine.

The thing is, I'm terrified to tell my family or anyone about this. I know that's irrational. I'm already working with my T on this. My mind is telling me that I can do this (along with my T's help) on my own, my T is telling me otherwise of course. That I need to tell my husband. I'm truly scared. We've had 5 straight years of dealing with a major pain issue, along with some other significant health issues- all having to do with me. Way too many hospital visits, among other things. I just don't want to bring something else into the mix. My husband is very supportive, I just don't want to push my luck.

Any advice you can offer? If it were up to me, I'd rewind to the day I told my T about the eating issues and delete it all.