I have a new companion. He's a friend I've known since I was 12 and he decided to come back into my life on New Year's Day. I guess we were catching up over the holidays and we ended up spending a lot of time together.

Now there's feeling between us.

He invited me to visit him in his neighborhood today and I finally went. I brought him back home with me tonight.

A few months ago, I promised myself I would not have a bf until I was more secure in myself, but I guess when you fall in love, it's easier said than done. I fall in love too easily.

There is different behavior though.

I am not jumping into s*x anymore. That is such a dead end when I do it too fast. In fact, we did have it last week, but decided to slow down again.

Now, I am having ups and downs again, but working hard with Ani my mentor, managing to go to my daily commitments at the alano club, run my errands, do SHMW (mental health project) and most important of all, sit in feelings.

I am having anxiety about being intimate again, esp after losing my last bf to suicide on New Year's Eve.

This new companion has been good for me.

The only thing: Carol, don't devalue/idealize him. He's a human being, you are one, too. Deal with that.

So today I was able to manage my problems.

I followed thru and did not run away from him or from my obligations this week.

Carol