First of all you are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you you are not! Not even yourself! We can be so hard on ourselves when it comes to looks because of all we see in the media. Just remember those women don't really exist most are photo shopped. Sounds like you are just down on yourself right now and doesn't sound to me like your husband helps much with the way you feel so it must come from within somehow. Be good to yourself. Don't put everything that is wrong with your relationship on you, it is not all your fault, it takes two. I don't have any answers but I do know I had a husband that didn't treat me well and I thought it was all my fault, I finally realized it wasn't me it was him! He just made me think it was me. After being belittled for so many years it wears on a person. It sounds like that is what has happened to you. Just remember you are worth it and you are beautiful! Vent anytime, we are here.