Big Mama -- I was in mental limbo for 26 years! Almost from the day I got married! The abuse started from the first day -- I was so young and ignorant, I couldn't see it.

But after my kids were born, I finally "grew up" and knew what was happening and I wanted OUT. But I thought he would 'change'. I tried and tried MYSELF to get him to calm down; to be more reasonable. When that didn't work, we went to a therapist ~ and when she said something he didn't like, he walked out and never went back. I continued to go for awhile.

Like you living in limbo is awful. You don't know what to do or what questions to ask or who to ask! I went to an attorney for advice and he told me to divorce him! I should have done it then. Things were going too fast. Separation -- he advised against that because he said it was more expensive and it would just end up in divorce anyway. Why should HE care?????

Limbo. It's awful. Staying for the kids - you don't know if you're doing more harm than good and you don't want to ASK the kids!!! You're afraid you'll hurt them if you bring the subject of divorce up, even tho it's a possibility. You just don't want to bring it up too soon. So you don't say anything. In the meantime, in my case I was hurting the kids MORE by staying. If I'd known then what I found out later, I would have left much sooner than I did. The kids were unhappy ~ and they told me later they wish I had divorced him much earlier.

So unless you actually dare to ask your kids how they feel about it, you stay in limbo until the final decision is done and over. It's miserable Big Mama, and My heart hurts for you. That's how my experience with limbo was. Just thought I'd share. Love, Lee