I have been through three different therapists in one year. I only started to seek treatment for my eating disorder about two years ago though i've been suffering from bulimia/anorexia for aout ten years now. As of now, I have no memories of my childhood at all. My mother suffers from manic depression and has never really got treamnet for it. My older brother has no memory either and left home about four years ago never to return. I'm sure our childhood wasn't the happiest but I dont think there was any abuse or anything.
The thing is, I get scared. The minute I start to talk about my past or what I've been told of it by my parents, I freak, affraid that there is a reason why I dont remember and it cant be good. I know I have to face my past in order for me to stop my ED and my cutting. Every time a T zones in on my erased past I split. Well, I've been with this T for about five months, the longest so far. We've started to touch on my past and I am actually starting to get memories. They come like flash backs, like I am reliving it, and it sucks. She tells me not to worry that anything I see already happened and there is no need to panic. But I find myself shivering afterwards. The images I see are from a scary movie, they cant be my life! Am I just crazy? Are these real? Is my T messing with my head? These are all things I worry about. And if these are real, then how do I stop them from interfearing with my life now? Some insite from anyone who has dealt with this before would be so appreciated!

Shannon